I'm sitting in the driveway right now, thinking about love and how I've been somehow pretty damned blessed in that department. I've always gotten a lot more love than I've been capable of dishing out. I don't know why this is. I think I'm one of those guys, or people, who just can't give away the whole store. Like it could crush me, or do something much worse than that.
It's totally stupid, of course. The truth is that I love some people more than they could ever imagine. I'm just too chicken to show it.
(Actually, this is not 100% true. I have a good friend, actually one of my best friends, who a while back gave me a big-ass bear hug. He sensed I needed it, and I did. We do this every time we see each other now. It's like food.)
I'm still working a lot. Income is looking good, but I'm under too much pressure for this not to be the case. I keep thinking about what would happen if something happened to me. A lot of people are counting on me. The fear is incredible, but I can't let that show.
Actually, this sort of thing got me back to running, biking and the gym. Any guy my age would be ecstatic to have my genes. I have a full head of hair, very little gray and still get carded at bars. I know different, though. I don't feel 21 at all. I knew I had to start taking better care of myself.
The sad part about all this is that I have so little energy left to create art. All my creative writing is on hold. That's just the way it is right now, I guess. Having no energy means I'm too tired beat myself up over it.
