Tiptoes

I have to be very careful here.

Sometimes I'm happy. Not always proud of the choices I made, but rather the fruits of them. I've done better than I thought I would.

And sometimes I want to throw it all away.

I have to be careful, because I'm prone to taking my current emotions and misplacing them for the truth or my general state. Emotions come and go.

But sometimes I think I myself am misplaced. That I listened to to other people's desires and feelings before my own. That I've been bamboozled, trapped. Sucked dry. And I've let it happen because, in many ways, it was easy. Petty needs were met. But not the real ones.

On days like this -- and today is one -- I don 't wonder "what if." I wonder "why not?" As in, why not hang it up? Take off?

There are lots of why nots. The feeling never lasts.

Still, it's a dangerous place to be...