I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I really don't.
I feel I'm on a crossroads at so many points... and I don't even know where to begin.
How about the fight I almost got into, walking out of the sushi bar, when some tool commented on my wife's tits? Thankfully I was so drunk, all I could think to do was drop a bunch of f-bombs at his stunned ass... yet right in the middle of downtown Concord. Way to go, family guy.
...and since then, it's been one weird freakout after another. At Joey, for his lack of discrepancy (I mean, geez, the kids' f-in seven years old), and at Marysa, for ordering dish after dish that she can't finish and yet slathers with ketchup so no one else can eat it, either... but so what?
And numerous verbal assaults at Mary, for one thing after another. Seriously, I need a gajillion Hail Marys for this crap...
4 comments:
Hey, yr probably way too stressed on god knows how many levels. Don't take it out on the kids. I know it happens, been there, but just pull back.
God knows what kind of moron makes comments on tits: him, you coulda decked and you'd have been right. Ideally he gets ignored but ideally he doesn't exist.
Get yourself alone, have a couple drinks but not too many. The stuff re. Mary you'll have to deal with her on, way outside my domain, but...
As someone who lets things build up without always recognizing/acknowledging/dealing with them, and also as someone who tends to feel guilty about things I shouldn't, I can probably relate better than advise.
Chill, dude (as people I can't stand might say). You have a lot of work and a lot of family and sometimes you can't let any of it slide and you freak. It's normal. Just know what's wrong and deal with that part, but don't forget all the shit you're getting right.
You ain't alone. Been doing a lot more of that kind of stuff this year than I have for a long time.
If you'll excuse the intrusiveness, here's a thought. You are one of the busiest people I know. You're juggling a job, freelance work, a large family, and your creative life.
I'd lay money that you haven't been taking proper care of yourself. If you have been, I'm even more impressed -- but if you haven't, I'd suggest moving your basic biological functions up on your list of priorities.
Eating properly and regularly, daily exercise, and paying attention to bedtime are three of the best things you can do to maintain emotional stability.
And for me, it seems as if hefty doses of B-complex and C vitamins help as well. That may be coincidence, may be the placebo effect, but the missus can usually tell when I have or haven't been taking my vitamins.
And just between you, me, and the lamppost, it never hurts to get your way every so often.
Bear up, bison. Never say die.
Thanks for the thoughtful words. Yeah, I guess my post was sort of me (or Jim Beam) shouting at myself to chill and switch gears. Now sober, I see things a little clearer: Last week was two days dealing with sick kids while trying to work, two days being sick myself, and two days 'vacation' with the family in Santa Cruz (fist trip with all five kids). Throw in two newsletter story interviews, a 1,200-word waste management brochure (whee!), and house hunting.
The trouble is things build up and I don't notice until I'm doing and saying stupid stuff, and I don't even notice what I'm doing/saying until five seconds after it's did and said, when it's too late.
I'm going to try and take some of your guys' advice today, maybe get some vitamins, do some reading. Feeling a little better just thinking about it. Hope to see you guys at Allison's later.
Heh -- I just caught the quotes around 'vacation.' When I think about those times when I was a child, I thint about what my parents did to me, rather than what they did for me.
Thanks for a different perspective.
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