Gray skies

I used to love hot weather. I sweat a lot, and when it was hot I could sort of resign myself to this, not worry about it, and then go play basketball for three hours. But now, in my 40s, the heat bugs the shit out of me.

I can't focus. Thoughts and plans reel off inside my head. It's like flipping through the pages of an art book and not being able to stop. The best remedy is cold beer, but with kids and work, drinking during the day is pretty much out of the question.

Hope came today with the overcast skies. I have no idea whether such weather is healthy or not, but it sure feels like it. Whatever it is, the condensation, cool air hitting my throat -- I feel as though my body is getting what it needs.

In my 20s, an overcast morning usually meant perfect surfing conditions: warm water, glassy waves, even if the waves were smallish. It meant hot coffee, reading the newspaper outside, and smoking Camels. It meant being at ease with myself, even if I was in debt and not getting laid. That stuff could be fixed. I had time.

Man, I wish that feeling would come back. It won't, but at least the gray has.