Panama Red's

Here's the problem with this blog, in a nutshell: I can't write a single decent post.

I look at other writers' blogs and see a professional level of critical thinking, opinion and insight. I look at mine and think, wow, what a waste.

I have tons of excuses for my shitty blog, not the least of which is the fact that I'm a breeder with a bunch of kids, I work full time, I like to get loaded, and I have the constant noise of kiddie shows, video games and leaking tempers droning on all day in my tiny, depressing little house. Every single one of obstacles is nobody's fault but mine.

The result is a shitty blog, reflective of a life drenched in chaos.

Here's what happens: I get a great idea -- something short and sweet, a witty opinion, or a video or book that crossed my paty. I get the inclination to post so the few kind readers who find their way to this site get to know I'm still alive and capable of original thought. But whatever I think of, I can't get it down just right. For example, I can't write about how the Ramones are the personification of rock and roll, because after I think about it for a while, I realize there are tons of other bands I haven't listened to. Who am I to judge?

Or if I stick with my original idea, I have to edit it. And edit it. And edit it. The post gets longer and unweildy. When I read it over, I grimace. I look at my clock; I could be working on the article I'm ghostwriting for some CEO, and making money. So what happens? I give up.

What I do manage to post barely merits a shrug, or I was too drunk to care when I hit "Publish." I ain't really proud of any of it. And I guess what bugs me about that is that well, hell, someday someone might read what I wrote in Swill or someplace else, go here, and think, "This guy's a joke."

That didn't bother me when I started this blog (and self-defeatedly labeled it a "toilet"), but I suppose I should sort of give a shit now or simply delete the whole damn thing. Why? Because I really don't want to ghost write articles for CEOs for a living. I want to be taken seriously as a writer. And a few things--just a few--have happened over the past two years to make me thing that it's slightly, miniscule-ishly possible.

Yet, just right now, I've gotten three IMs, two from co-workers and one from my boss. The cruelty of it all! So I give up, again. At least for today.

FYI, the best coffee shop in downtown Concord is Panama Red's. Good Americanos, lots of table space and electrical outlets, free Wi-fi, books, games... not even close.