Thoughts for the day

Seriously, my life is not this screwed up or depressing as what follows, actually it's quite joyful most of the time and I get many things done... although I struggle sometimes with why I'm here and what I'm doing and whether I'm using all my limited minutes wisely enough...

It’s like a crazy dream or nightmare – every day I’m hit with a thousand different ideas from money making schemes to story plots to new websites I must visit to ways to finance that someday trip to Europe to teaching moments with kids to new bands and new books... I can’t take it sometimes, the constant beating of my brain into a bank-account checking, survivor-focused gummy type solution, all tin residue in my mouth from the gunpowder of millions of misfired brain cells, al the contriving of fantastic plans at work only to see them flush into the mental ether when the office parks, green hills and million dollar homes suck past on the drive home to be suddenly awash in children, beautiful children yet so needy, the kid-naps into their worlds and tears and frustrations and giggles and “look, dads” and vocabulary assignments and ridiculous math sentences crafted to entice but fated to create a 7-year-old terrorist armed with a late night meltdown... It’s like the same crappy practical joke and I go to bed too tired to even be properly depressed about it, with some vague notion that what I didn’t tackle today I’ll get to tomorrow, leading up to my final act of setting some ungodly early alarm on my cell and praying – why? — it will actually wake me up…