We're talking about alcohol in "homework club" last week and I'm wondering what it is about my own drinking that I enjoy, fear, crave, and sometimes fear because of the craving.
I do think humans, by and large, are somehow drawn to intoxicants (and all sorts of other things), but in my case, I don't think it's as simple. And when I look around I'm amazed how pervasive it is in my life.
Ten years ago it would not have bothered me if I had no beer in my fridge. Now it does. It is the same fridge, in fact, that I had growing up -- filled with the same sort of cheap beer that I fetched for Dad. Or the guy that was physically there when Dad was drunk.
Adding to these thoughts was my slip into memoir territory a few days ago, when I picked up Augusten Burroughs' Dry, which is about, of course, alcoholism.
I'm a cynical about memoirs, and Burroughs seems to have made a career out of them. Two-thirds the way through, my cynicism remains intact. But this book has planted in me this notion -- that there's a slight possibility that I have another person inside of me, a person with desires different than my own, maybe even contradictory desires. And that this person could be working against me. That maybe I need to watch it.
2 comments:
Hey, I always have no beers in my fridge. That is, they go in there briefly but I'm no good at stocking up. It is purchased to be consumed; the trick is not to purchase too much.
It's a damn shame that this alcohol thing is addictive. Because it's really enjoyable, and of course either good for you or not too bad for you up to a certain extent.
Presumably there's always an aspect of self that's self-destructive. The fact that we were discussing drinking while drinking is a solid indicator that we don't want to quit. Cutting back of course is a tricky thing, although I should be good at it by now.
Hey, my word verification is "exterd". I thought that was hyphenated.
I don't have a beautiful poetic response to your "drinking" however, I do hope something hit you across your addiction like a two by four. Perhaps Dry with be the opening hit.
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