Back from Disneyland almost a week now. I've lost a little weight. Except for rare instances, I've quit drinking and eating fast food and all meat besides seafood. I started running again and I'm spending more time with the kids. I feel good. I wonder how long I can keep it up.
I'm not sure what's up with me, at least professionally. I'm still working, though not as much into certain aspects. I've decided I'm not into pitching or "sales," at least when it comes to selling anything but myself and my writing. I guess I knew that already, but I tried--for the sake of career and finances--to get into it. "Hey, you should talk to this person, he's an expert at blah blah blah. By the way, I can totally see you living in this house!"
I'm done trying. I'll still do it, but I won't attempt to enjoy it, if that makes any sense, and will endeavor to stop. I'm happiest helping people get what they need or want, or finding out what that is and helping them get it. But I don't want to tell them what it is they want, or assume it. I want to root out the fake. I'm embarrassed I haven't and that I've actually embraced some of the shit.
I'm trying hard to believe I have enough talent to get by on my own terms. It's hard when you have six people depending on you, though. Compromising almost seems inevitable. I just don't want to get swallowed by the beast.
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