Ready set fail!

I have no illusions that I'll achieve everything I want to. There's not enough time.

So here it is, the stuff I intend to fail at in 2012. Mostly because there's so much of it, and I need something to post.

1. Reunite with my band in Texas and attempt to pull off an actual, live guitar solo.

2. Finish the goddamn novel. By finish, I mean get all the edits done and get it out there, self publishing if necessary.

3. Finish a second novel. Can this be done? Absolutely not. This is just goofy. If I finish Resolution #2, it will have taken three years for the first novel. But hey, dreaming is free. Just ask Blondie.



4. Get a bigger house.

5. Be able to call my own shots in my professional "straight" life. I'm actually pretty close to this.

6. Learn Spanish. This one's been sitting on the list so long it's starting to rust.

7. Get healthier. That's all I'll say, lest I incriminate myself. Look, I'm not getting any younger. It's about time to put some old habits to bed, dust off the Jack LaLanne juicer and get started on the mid-life, run-every-day health kick -- or at least something approaching it.

8. Get smarter. America is getting dumber and instinctively, I know I am, too. Basically, this boils down to hanging around people smarter than me, reading more, and watching less Family Guy.

This one's a little personal. Eighteen years later, I'm still trying to live down this faux pas:


(For the record, I can't say what kind of state I was in when I gave this quote to a Newsweek intern. But HE certainly knew.)

9. See more bands. Gotta have at least one easy resolution.

10. Meet more writers. I'm lucky to know a few great ones, but I ought to be branching out more. In fact I ought to write more, too, and submit more, and go to more readings...

And see, this is where I have to end the list, because there's always "more." I need to travel, write non-fiction, get my business off the ground, fix up the jeep, fix up the back bathroom. Blah dee-dee blah blah blah.

Just more stuff to fail at. But when it's all over, I expect I'll do better than I thought I would, which is pretty much how things go with me. And that's OK.